Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
