The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
