sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
