I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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