just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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