the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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