I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
