dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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