his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
