Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
