Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
