Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize