i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he shaved USA in his pubs
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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