I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
