It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
