I hate your face
I'm really into asian looking animals
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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