Kiss
Puke
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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