I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
