Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
