I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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