can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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