Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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