i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
