There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
