just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
