Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
