I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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