Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
