the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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