So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
