Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
