Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
