first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
