Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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