I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
