You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
