i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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