im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
