Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
