Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
