I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
