I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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