so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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