i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I love having hate sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
