I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
