Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
