I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
