I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
