she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
