Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
