you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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