he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
