tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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