I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
