This is not my ceiling
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
