If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Randomize
