oh god the rape fog is back!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
