I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So vagazzling was a success
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
