he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
