This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
