I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
