booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
