Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
