Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
