Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
