I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize