That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
