this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude. I can hear the air.
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