Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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