woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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