I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
